Posts Tagged ‘Stress’

A Return to Self

Monday, March 12th, 2012

I used to be an excellent organizer. I was one of those freaks that would color coordinate anything and everything.  If I could designate it a color and categorize it with other similar things I was in heaven. And don’t even get me started on my incessant need to alphabetize things. I worked in a library when I was younger and at Blockbuster Video during high school and college, to say that I alphabetize in my sleep is not exaggerating.

I used to love writing down and keeping a schedule down to the minute. It’s not that I was obsessive, if something happened and I couldn’t follow the schedule I never freaked out. In fact, I did quite the opposite; I got excited because it meant I got to make a new schedule. Ok, so that in itself could be considered a tad bit obsessive.

Scheduling gave me a sense of accomplishment, a sense of direction. Needless to say, I am not nearly as organized as I once was and I have but one excuse… well, two. They go by the nicknames of Peanut and Trouble. Yep, like most problems that happen in my life I blame my children, lovingly, of course. 😉

For years leading up to my pregnancies I’ve been told, “Once you have kids you’re on their schedule.” While those words of wisdom are true that didn’t mean that I should throw away years of organizational bliss. If anything, I should have stepped it up a notch. Instead, I threw the baby out with the bath water. Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t use that specific idiom but you get my drift. (more…)

Back to Reading

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Leave it up to me to make a liar out of myself. Two weeks ago I posted a story about my love of reading entitled Books, Books, Books…And Books. In the post I shared my love of the written word and how I can knock back between 5 and 8 books a week. I’m ashamed to say that since writing that post I’ve read a total of ZERO books.

I don’t know what happened. It used to be that if I didn’t read something during the day I would get cranky. How is it possible to go from reading everyday to reading nothing? I’ve bought books during this time, in fact I’ve bought 18 books to be exact. So, I guess I still have a problem there. Phew. It’s good to know some things don’t change. 😉

Most of those books were written by fellow writers I’ve met on Twitter and I am genuinely excited to read their works. However, when I sit down to read one my mind starts wandering and I end up staring at my Kindle.

I have also noticed that in these past two weeks I’m finding it increasingly difficult to write. Connection? Most likely.

When I was reading I was inspired, I was constantly surrounded by words and ideas. Now, I feel like a zombie just going through the motions of my day waiting for night time to come so I can go to bed only to wake up the next day to repeat the monotony.

Sparky has asked me countless times if there is anything on my mind. I give him the honest answer, “nothing”, because there is honestly NOTHING on my mind. It’s like a fog up there.

However, due to a back injury last week I have had plenty of time to lie around thinking about my dilemma.

This is a very busy time for me. The show I’m involved in opens at the end of the month meaning that the pressure is on to fulfill my responsibilities for the publicity committee while making sure I have mentally prepared perform on the stage.

I have recently joined my church’s choir to help out with Easter services. Why I added this to my plate, I don’t know? Oh wait, yes I do. Its because I can’t say ‘no’. To anyone…ever.

Even my gym time that is supposed to be a chance for me to get away, has been adding to the stress. I’m rushing to get everyone dressed, fed and out the door so I can make it to class on time.

I’ve concluded that by the time I get to sit down to either write or read I’m completely brain fried.

Lucky for me, I hurt my back. This injury is making me stop running from rehearsal to rehearsal to the gym to play dates and just lie around and get better. Today, after 4 days of recouping on the sofa, I decided to pick up a book..er, well, my Kindle, but you get the idea.

It was like running into an old friend and picking up right where you left off as if those years in between weren’t there. My Kindle felt right in my hands as I snuggled into the warm embrace of my soft sofa. I forgot about all my responsibilities, I forgot about my back pain, I forgot that it was raining outside and I left the windows open – none of that mattered.

What mattered was that I was becoming inspired again. I felt my brain working, taking in the words and envisioning the scene as it played out in my head. It felt good. It felt damn good.

Am I ready to go knock out 2,000 words tonight? Probably not, but I do have some ideas that I jotted down and that made me feel good. All I can say is that I’m back to reading and I’m confident that my ability to write without hesitation isn’t that far behind.

 

 

My Escape to Panera

Monday, March 28th, 2011

If you follow me on the Have Coffee….Will Write blog you know that last week was a tough week for me as a mom and a writer. I was fed up with trying to do everything for everyone and not having any time for myself as a writer. I have to say that the response I got to the post was very supportive and inspiring, so if you visited the site and commented on my post, thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

When I was at a complete loss last week, spiraling out of control inside my own mind, I did what any self-respecting writer would do. I turned to Twitter. I posed the question there, then again to the HCWW blog readers, asking them where they go when working at home just isn’t working out. Like I said in Friday’s post, I got the usual answers of coffee shops, libraries, parks to the not so usual, McDonald’s.

I’ve decided that although I absolutely love McDonald’s french fries, I opted for our local Panera Bread. I didn’t pick the best time to go, Saturday over lunch, but I must say, even though I shared the restaurant with 150 perfect strangers, I loved every minute of it. I ordered soup with a sandwich, a huge Pepsi, found a corner table and slipped into my own little paranormal world. It was amazing.

And quite surprising actually. The little table I found was situated by the door and with being there during lunch time, it seemed as if that door swung open every 30 seconds. Not only was the door constantly being opened, but with every person that came in brought a chill from the outside with them. The tables were full around me with gossiping teenagers, hungry children and deaf senior citizens. I did more writing in that crowded bakery then I have done in a quiet house with the napping kids. Who would have thought?

I sat for 2 1/2 hours and I outlined chapters with details, I thought up ideas for blog posts, I ate and drank way too much. No one wanted food from me, no one needed their diapers changed, the dishes were being taken away by someone else and I got to just sit and think. The noise and chaos around me didn’t touch me; I allowed myself to forget who I am and the responsibilities at home and just focus my attentions on my characters.

When I did come home I felt refreshed. The rest of the day I could dedicate to my family without feeling like I was forgetting to do something. There was no guilt trying to balance reading books to my children and writing a book for me.

I’m going to try a library next. We’re surrounded by several colleges, so I may check out them out (with their longer hours it may be more beneficial for me with writing at night.)

So, thank you friends, for being there when I needed you, your support and advice were greatly appreciated! Now, I’m off to make dinner.