Posts Tagged ‘Panera Bread’

Where Have All the Words Gone?

Monday, April 4th, 2011

This is something I’ve never had to deal with before and its freaking me out.

Here I sit with my computer before me all ready to lay down the words that have been living inside my mind for the past four weeks. I’m ready to give a voice to the dark haired man with eyes that flash a vibrant blue at unsuspecting women causing extreme confusion and frantic calls to optometrists.

Yet, here I sit. I’m staring at the blank page with that cursed black cursor and nothing is happening. Nothing. I can’t think about how to start the story but yet, I do. Are you confused yet? Because I sure am.

I’ve been talking about the opening scene and following chapters so much lately that the words should just be pouring out of me. I’ve set the opening up in my head that I can see it right now. However, when I go to put my thoughts into words nothing is fitting.

I’ve tried just writing hoping that the words will just come to me; that I just need a kick start. It didn’t work. I felt the writing was so bad it was distracting me. In fact, everything is distracting me.

The woman blowing her nose so loudly that I’m waiting for an elephant to come charging in looking for his mate is distracting me. I’m thinking about how I just spent $115 at Old Navy and how I need to return some things before Sparky finds out.

But what I’m really thinking about is that I’m not good enough.  I’m thinking I’m fooling myself into believing that I can do this.

I really hate thinking this way. So, before I started writing this post I tried writing little exercises to get the juices flowing. Its like the well has run dry. How is that possible?

Like I said, I dream about this story but when it comes time to writing I freeze.

Am I putting too much pressure on myself to write?  Am I comparing myself to other writer’s and their writing habits? Is it because I can’t write everyday I feel I’ll never be where they are?

The answer to all three is “yes.”

I just want to be good, who doesn’t? I just want the confidence to write my story without comparing myself to others. I used to write for me, I don’t know when I stopped, but I did. And it sucks.

But I’ll keep trying. If I don’t these characters will never leave me alone; which is good. Somebody needs to give me a swift kick in the butt. Too much complaining and not enough writing, right?

Do you ever get into a funk with your writing? How do you get out of it? Do you keep on writing every day no matter what comes out of it, or do you allow yourself to take a break now and then?

My Escape to Panera

Monday, March 28th, 2011

If you follow me on the Have Coffee….Will Write blog you know that last week was a tough week for me as a mom and a writer. I was fed up with trying to do everything for everyone and not having any time for myself as a writer. I have to say that the response I got to the post was very supportive and inspiring, so if you visited the site and commented on my post, thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

When I was at a complete loss last week, spiraling out of control inside my own mind, I did what any self-respecting writer would do. I turned to Twitter. I posed the question there, then again to the HCWW blog readers, asking them where they go when working at home just isn’t working out. Like I said in Friday’s post, I got the usual answers of coffee shops, libraries, parks to the not so usual, McDonald’s.

I’ve decided that although I absolutely love McDonald’s french fries, I opted for our local Panera Bread. I didn’t pick the best time to go, Saturday over lunch, but I must say, even though I shared the restaurant with 150 perfect strangers, I loved every minute of it. I ordered soup with a sandwich, a huge Pepsi, found a corner table and slipped into my own little paranormal world. It was amazing.

And quite surprising actually. The little table I found was situated by the door and with being there during lunch time, it seemed as if that door swung open every 30 seconds. Not only was the door constantly being opened, but with every person that came in brought a chill from the outside with them. The tables were full around me with gossiping teenagers, hungry children and deaf senior citizens. I did more writing in that crowded bakery then I have done in a quiet house with the napping kids. Who would have thought?

I sat for 2 1/2 hours and I outlined chapters with details, I thought up ideas for blog posts, I ate and drank way too much. No one wanted food from me, no one needed their diapers changed, the dishes were being taken away by someone else and I got to just sit and think. The noise and chaos around me didn’t touch me; I allowed myself to forget who I am and the responsibilities at home and just focus my attentions on my characters.

When I did come home I felt refreshed. The rest of the day I could dedicate to my family without feeling like I was forgetting to do something. There was no guilt trying to balance reading books to my children and writing a book for me.

I’m going to try a library next. We’re surrounded by several colleges, so I may check out them out (with their longer hours it may be more beneficial for me with writing at night.)

So, thank you friends, for being there when I needed you, your support and advice were greatly appreciated! Now, I’m off to make dinner.